So long...so not pleased.

It's been far longer than I ever intended to let this go. But for many reasons. School has reached a fevered pace and life in general has been more frustrating than I can stand. And hey, oh look, it just got worse. Reese's dad has ONCE AGAIN decided to try and change up the schedule and throw both Reese's life and mine into chaos just to suit himself and his "rock-solid-set-in-stone-no-changes-in-site-as-far-as-the-eye-can-see" schedule...which coincidentally, keeps changing. He won't give an inch when it comes to trying to get Reese more stability in his life, but I'm supposed to just roll over and do whatever is convenient for him whenever he feels like asking. I can't even begin to know how to respond to this to him, because whatever I say to him will just agitate the situation. But what needs to be said: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! You cannot do whatever the hell you please just because you feel like it when it affects other people. Now grow a brain, be a dad for once and do what is best for your son. Christ. There is no talking to him though, I'm being a bitch if I point out how crazy this has gotten. Lawyers? Yeah, they do a lot. A lot of nothing and billing for it by the hour.

In other cheerier news: one of my friends from carpentry school just had a baby boy with his long time girlfriend. He's more pumped over this than almost anyone I've ever seen about a baby. And he's gonna be a great dad, and she's going to be a great mom. They're so prepared, and so excited. And I just looked at pictures online and saw the set up: the separate bedroom with crib, change table (fully stocked), car seat, high chair, mobile hanging up over the crib...peaceful looking and complete. And I can't help thinking, that's how it's supposed to be. There's supposed to be anticipation and waiting and excitement and love. And now I'll just leave it at that. Cause anyone around me knows how bitter this little pill is. My baby didn't have all that and I gave birth with only my parents in the room, then was left alone. No crib for Reese when he got home. Yeah, I guess I still need to get over all this. Leaves me wondering though, am I ever going to get the chance to do it right? Looking doubtful at this point. It gets worse by the day. I've just wasted another year.

So the camera I waited for years for, saved, rationalized and was so pumped to have....has been stolen. Another raw spot. Wasn't stolen from me. But it's gone none the less, and the person responsible, as per usual, is doing nothing to rectify the situation. Really makes me wanna be a part of that.

whatever. Just getting mad and this is getting stupid. Stuff sucks right now. There's some good stuff though. I get to go get Reese now and hang out with him tonight. That's a bonus. Too bad his dad didn't just move to Calgary so he wouldn't bother us anymore. Oh how different life would be.