Count down....I'm a loser.

So, it is now just over one hour to New Years day and Auld Lang Syne and all that fun stuff that makes it a great time to become drunk and obnoxious. And yet, I'm home. Just got here, but still home. Reese tried to stay up but his efforts have driven me back to the house where I can at least try to convince him that resting and remaining motionless is a good thing. Or, at the very least, where my feeble attempts at parenting aren't going to be observed and critiqued by anyone else. I realize I'm not parent of the year. I know he gets spoiled when I get tired and disgusted with various situations. I'm doing what I can. But I'm tired. And I think you all know this. I'm also sick to death of not even wanting to come home to here because I don't enjoy the situation I'm living in. I'm tired of justifying myself. I'm tired of whining, bitching and complaining. I'm tired.

In anticipation of the new year I have done the following:
1. Write out a rent cheque, with the year 2007 on it.
2. Agonized about what kind of resolution I should make.
3. Take mental stock of myself (Am I heavier, lighter or the same as I was two or three months ago?)
4. Cried at the prospect that I'll be greeting the new year alone, in an apartment that I hate and a situation that grates on my nerves.
5. Looked at my son and pledged to do better by him for next year.

That list started with only one thing. But seemed to grow when I considered the thoughts that have been rifling around in my head. Hey, look at this, a post that doesn't whine and bitch directly about my financial situation so far. Amazing. Truly amazing.

So, much like Reese's very first New Years, which he spent asleep as did I, this one will also be a non event. Nothing earth shattering will happen to us. Nothing even overly fun or out of the ordinary. I've spent the day cleaning and sorting and doing laundry, and scavenging food while attempting to not spend money I don't have and trying not to sound as much like a charity case as I have lately, while still informing people close to me that going out? Yeah, not an option. Much like buying groceries at this point. But let's face it, that pesky little habit of eating was just getting to be a time consuming obsession anyway. We'll survive. I'm still a farm girl. I'm sure I've got stock piles of canned goods to get us through January.

And to anyone reading this, Happy New Year, I'm hoping for a good one. Or at least one lacking anything apocolyptic. Yeah, I'd settle for that at this point in time. Let's have an uneventful kind of year. Let's just get through it shall we? I'm taking the stoic route tonight. Tomorrow morning I'll get up, and like every other morning Reese will tell me "the sun came back!"....

Yeah, the sun's gonna come back.