Hot summer....

So, if the text isn't melting off the screen at this point in time then you're not in my dining room. It would be, if this were possible. I'm almost positive. When I checked my alarm clock thermometer it said 89.2 after I'd had the fan on with the window open after the sun went down. I eventually had to put the wee boy downstairs on the futon (AKA Auntie Karen's bed) so he could go to sleep. Just too hot for the little gaffer. And sleep is one of those precious commodities...and I'm realizing it's getting sparser and even more important.
Today I got a phone call from the director of the daycare to inform me that Reese's behaviour has become extreme enough that they're considering "giving notice" i.e. booting us from their presence. I'm the last one to say that my son is a perfect little angel, I know he has his issues, and a temper and a will that would test anyone, but it seems like all the good days he had up until the last couple weeks have been forgotten and now we're having a tough time, we're both dealing with it and trying to get through, and they don't want to help, they just want us to leave. I'm left feeling pretty lost and let down. I really thought we were doing not too bad. I know we've had a bad couple weeks and we're working on it, the sleep deprivation and such, but to have them do this now is just like a swift kick to the groin out of nowhere. I'm trying. I'm not a perfect parent, maybe not even a good parent, but I love my son and I try to do what's best for him. I don't know. Maybe there is more to this than just discipline and routine. Maybe he does have some emotional issues that he needs help dealing with. I'm trying to get him into child and youth services. But for the mean time, today, I've pretty much been feeling like a failure. I've failed my son and I've failed as a parent. I've raised a problem child and unleashed him on the world. And to think, I always thought I'd have more children. Perhaps I'm too flawed emotionally, behaviourally or genetically to do this. I don't know. This really shakes me, and I do have a hard time not taking this personally.
Then there's the father deal. Reese's dad is a part time parent and we usually don't agree. I think this is probably part of the issue, but trying to wrestle more custody issues...I don't know. The thought of it leaves me exhausted. I don't want to take any time away from Reese and his dad. But I do want Reese to have consistency and stability in his life. And it's starting to look like this might be the answer. And god am I scared. I'm scared I won't be able to continue at this daycare, one of the only one's open this early in the city and absolutely the only one I would take Reese too. And if this option is gone then I have to quit my job with Wascana. And if that job is gone, then the money is gone and I don't know where I'm left. I'm left with two months left of summer before school starts, a crippling debt load and bills that keep looming in the distance needing to be paid. And I'm terrified of destitution and last resorts and I really don't know who or where I should be turning to for help, because it really seems that the only help is charity and I hate that.
Part of me wants to tell them all to stuff it. Reese will be fine. I don't want to send him to city schools. I want him to go to elementary school in a small town. With small classes and dedicated teachers and community. I don't want him to have to face city issues at the age of 5 or 6 or 7. I want him to be able to save those until he chooses to deal with them. But this option? Pipe dream. Nothing but a pipe dream.