Trying to remember how to breathe.

Ever have one of those days where you don't know what to do? Nothing you do will be the right thing at this point and you have to follow your gut and what you know to be important. Even if it's not easy and it hurts like hell and you're scared to death that something might go very wrong.
After a long drawn out and dramatically stupid argument over text messaging about when Reese should be returned to me from his visit with his father he finally either decided this morning that my stipulation that he be returned Sunday night at bedtime was going to have to do, or his lawyer told him to smarten up and do what's reasonable. That after wasting half of the morning and making my life hell. But in my gut, I know what's best for my son. Even just with the recent consistency he's been making improvements at daycare and at home in his behaviour; the melt downs have pretty much ceased and he's just having a few issues with listening that we're working on.

So he's gone with his dad now. Who stomped in here, and without a word to me pretty much grabbed Reese and ran, Reese screaming for the ball I had told him he could take with him and his dad being angry. So I'm trying not to collapse into a heap as I recall all the frightening stories about people with uncontrollable tempers and what it can lead to when there's children involved. One story that occured in Calgary sticks in my head and I wish it would leave. How could a father kill his own son and himself just on custody arrangements? So I'm having some issues today. I'm scared for my son. And reason says it'll not come to anywhere near that. His dad is ignorant and a controlling bully but I don't think he's that off balance. But after all that's been said so far and how quickly this has escalated into threats and personal attacks on his part...I'm hoping and praying for the best and wondering what I'm going to do on Sunday night if his dad does not bring him back on time.
So at the top you see a picture of two little people, who, just by their very existence bring excessive joy and happiness to so many lives, and the lack of their presence leaves large gaping holes. I'm just going to try to get through today I think. Then I can be stronger again tomorrow.