February is the month...

I'm sitting in my apartment on a Sunday morning. Nothing could be quite as nice or quite as disappointing and depressing. I guess I'm funny that way. I want to be here, nowhere else, but still feel slightly claustorphobic. Oh well.
I've been reading many many blogs, many of people I know personally as my friends, others I've just been reading their blogs for so long it feels like I know them as friends, and the overwhelmingly common thread is that this time of year sucks. For all of us. Even if there is nothing mindshatteringly disastrous going on in our lives we still feel the oppressive downward pull of February. I think maybe, for those that do have personal disasters going on, it might be slightly more logical because at least there's a reason for the sadness and self hatred, the dwelling, ruminating and restlessness. But it's no easier, either way.
As for me, I'm only half as far down as some I think. I do feel a little bit in limbo. As though, for this month alone, I would just prefer if life in general could continue on without me. I'll catch up with it when I feel a little more able. There are things missing in my life and a lot of waiting for things to happen one way or another at this stage. But there's also this part of me that wants to pull all my friends through. I want them all to be okay and not hurt anymore. But I'm not sure what I can do. I even turned down going out to the bar last night with one of my best buds, and it was her birthday. Well, a lot of that was simply the fact that I have $15 to my name at this point and I"m trying to stick to a budget so I can eat without begging my mother for money once again. *sigh*....So I have come to this conclusion. It's February. This might even extend to March since the month of my birthday is rarely full of sunshine and fun either. This is the real winter. I feel like we were tricked, like we got complacent in November and December and thought we would be okay, that it wasn't going to be that bad, then January and February came. And it feels like arctic tundra around here. Yuck. Lets just get through this guys, okay? I'm here for you...for all you've all done for me....hugs guys.